Home a lone

I used to feel so alive so on top of the world. I would laugh and be extra silly. Days like today the sunlight feels to bright and just the thought of stepping out of bed is to much of a small thought. I was diagnosed with depression a long time ago although now I believe I finally feel it. Linger side effects it’s affecting me to my core. I isolate, myself to the core. I try to heal myself and use everything my psychotherapist recommends to try just to feel better. This shaking stomach, rumbling, twisting pain in my insides. Then my body trembles uncontrollably and my breath is hard to grasp the next breath.

Everything triggers panic attacks I can stop the madness. I feel like I’m torn into two. Externally my personality comes out appears like I’m spaced out, angry, or just plain sad. I’d rather hide than feel the social corruption. Who cares how other people see me? Appearance is everything 8n reality. I find it easier when I only have my questions to answer. So I stay close, to my own quarters.

I don’t want to push everyone away. It’s definitely not intentional sometimes I don’t realize I even don it.. maybe subconsciously I figure I’m protecting them or myself but from what? Am I only haunting my own pain?