GIVING BACK

Inequalities in the amount of time that mothers and fathers spend with their children are central. Parenting in the U.S.—and elsewhere—is more time-intensive and child-centered than it used to be, but expectations for gender-specific parenting remain strong.

How adoption effects families and the community?

      In the next five years, it is my dream; to start a survivor-led community by organizing as a parent’s platform, by forming concrete steps, creating support, organizing, and expanding into a network. Giving a solid foundation to support parents in a crisis, also assisting in recognizing issues, and successfully giving perspective information on the birth parent’s behalf.  I would like to see parents communicate and speak about pain, trauma, and grief. Then we begin to accept and validate our feelings, and we can work on the healing process. With their children if possible. It’s my hope to make a mobilizing impact that would be recognized by the justice system. I would like to advocate, motivate and fight to amend the laws. I refuse to give up and let this determine my life. Its certainly impacted it, but it’s just my fire in the fight.

  1. Across the country, roughly 50,000 children are adopted from foster care each year. They are expected to detach from their families and start over with new ones. Their mothers and fathers, stripped of parental rights, are told to let go and move on, unsure of whether they will see their children again.
  2. Adoption can be in the best interest of many children, and research shows that it’s not the right option for all children. The trauma caused by separation, the tug of war between families, and the suddenly feelings of shame, isolation, to form lingering effects on parent and child that often go unaddressed.
  3. Make an impact in the legislative and administrative office to advocate for families to help providers assist their needs, and to develop structures that support parents. Creating a self-determination support group, to act as a community. To strengthen support families and network.
  4.    By creating a safe space where impacted parents can reflect on their lives, connect with their peers, learn about child welfare’s history and policies, strengthen their writing, public speaking, advocacy skills, and mobilize their communities for justice.
  5.  The exposure to public services, such as child protection services, instills a stigma; and no one tells you what to expect. No one told me how to cope, no one prepared me to understand I wouldn’t have contact with my kids. Fear and anxiety I bear.  Fearing an unnecessary separation, many parents hesitate to seek support, and end up in a worse off situation with no support and feeling completely alone. 

   I personally have been impacted by the system and the outcome I face to this day still haunts me. I feel I was left feeling more neglected, abused, shunned and with more mental health issues and for a long time I turned to addiction. You can read more about my story in the blog section.

Healing and self-love sounded cliche’ but seeing to know the truth: It’s selfish not to heal. It’s self-indulgent not to put in the work.

     It’s only priority to build a community among parents and families who it impacts. The child welfare system. Also, building connections among a community, we generate compassion and commitment—and better ideas through shared perspectives that can guide the work forward. By becoming one in a community to hopefully change the injustice and opening eyes to our stories, but most of all; it’s for us to have a piece of mind. I wrote that we are healing from a trauma, leaving a footprint for our kids to see. By storytelling – or journaling our thoughts through time and sharing our experiences.

How to become a productive resource

It’s only fundamental to network and share our stories in order. Then to start at achieving reform. Suffering, with the realities of people’s experiences, it changes hearts and minds. Our writing and speaking about our experience, in all its complexity, calls for any existing narratives of the child welfare system.

   When we communicate and talk about pain, trauma, and grief. When we accept are able to accept that these things are real and validate our feelings; we can work on helping to heal the process of post. Adoptions/relinquishment.

I encourage you to share your experience, whether your family, friends, or just somebody whose heart this has touched. I want you to understand that you’re not alone. If you would like to share your story, you can email me and I will post it discreetly.

STUCK IN SURVIVAL

How to be a functional addict, is there such a term? Unpacking items, I found this small journal of moments in addiction. I feel like it’s important to share the raw stories not many mention…

HOW TO CALM A STORM

What’s your storm? LaNaya Schmoker Life never gave her many options on which path to choose.Just when she made it through one storm, another would roar to life.There were crying in the showers to the quiet nights lying in bed awake, overthinking and exhausted…But I am unable to sleep.Truthfully, she couldn’t tell you how she…

LaNaya Schmoker
Po Box 132
Shelby, Nebraska 68662
USA

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